It seems that in our modern world that the image of “commitment” has taken on a dubious persona. Evidence of the disdain for commitment is found in every facet of our society. “No commitment” is a hot seller in advertising these days. One need only do a quick Internet search of “no commitment” to discover pages of web sites offering everything from no commitment phone services to no commitment dating services. In the spirit of no-fault divorce, wedding vows that once included the supposed straightjacket of “until death do us part” have conveniently substituted the noncommittal “until love is no more.” But in this non-committal world that we live, perhaps it is in an understanding of the real meaning of love that we find the value of commitment. In love and much of life, commitment is not only important but indispensable.

I was reminded of this indispensable connection between love and commitment by a story that I recently heard. The story was told by a Christian minister who had officiated at a large wedding in India at which 2,000 people were in attendance. The marriage was arranged by the Indian families of the groom, a brilliant young man with a Ph.D. in chemistry, and the bride, a beautiful, articulate, and well-educated young lady. The families had met, discussed the couple, and agreed the bride and groom would make a great marital union. Being an arranged marriage, the bride and groom did not know each other and had never met. Even as the bride came down the aisle and stood beside her husband-to-be, the groom did not look at her. As was the custom, the groom made a speech at the reception following the ceremony. He began by thanking his parents. He thanked the bride’s parents and others. He ended by thanking his bride for loving him. The minister and others were surprised and intrigued by his statement. What did he mean? How could she love him for they had not met nor talked to one another? What the groom meant was his bride loved him because she was willing to commit herself to him even before they met. Although marriage is an experiential relationship, commitment is an indispensable component. Bring a commitment to your love and you’ll reap the rewards of love. If you are not committed in love, you will not reap the rewards of love. [Zacharias]

As we examine the importance of commitment in love, we see a reflection of God’s nature that is stamped on mankind. This nature is evident in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, “…even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. He destined us in love to be his sons though Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will.” [Ephesians 1:4-5. RSV.] God did not create man out of need. Rather, it was a will (commitment) to love, an expression of the very character of God, to share the inner life of the Trinity. Man’s chief end is to glorify God by communing with God forever. [Johnson, p. 158.]

Here we also see that commitment in love or the lack thereof is compatible with God’s grant of freewill to man. By creating man with a free will meant the possibility of man’s rejection of God and His love. In other words free will and the potential for rejection of God was the penalty for the possibility of love. So it is on the earthly plane, to risk love is to risk rejection. Rejection was not a surprise to an omniscient God. Before creation, God knew the cost of His will to love man would be the death of His Son and is revealed in Revelation 13:8, “…Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.” God committed to love man before He created him, but God knew man would reject Him. But the value of that infinite love exceeded the cost of that love at Calvary. [Johnson, p. 158.]

Throughout much of history marriage has been a ritualistic and solemn occasion between a man and woman—a highly public profession of commitment to the most private of relationships. The solemnity of the occasion arises from the enormous magnitude and significance of the commitments—to take the marriage partner as wife or husband, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. This ceremonial language resonates with powerful sentiments that link us with prior generations since time immemorial and to an enduring and exclusive commitment to union while facing the uncertainties of life to come. The ritualism symbolically binds the families of the man and woman and attests to the importance of the unbreakable commitments of which God is both witness and participant. [Bennett, pp. 184-188; Johnson, p. 312.]

William Bennett called marital love that rests upon a foundation of unconditional commitment as “…safer, more enduring, and more empowering that any sentiment yet discovered or any human arrangement yet invented.” The reasons for such commitments arise from human nature which is rooted in creation. The humanist will argue that these things can be attained without requirements of marriage, monogamy, commitment to the permanency of relationship, and God. But such humanistic counterfeits are a weak, unsatisfying, and an imperfect imitation of a man and woman bound by unconditional commitments in marriage, “… the honorable estate, instituted by God.” [Bennett, pp. 184-188; Johnson, pp. 312-313.]

The story of the young Indian couple reminded me of commitments my wife and I made almost forty-two years ago. I had watched the young woman for several months. She was as advertised—attractive, vivacious, and had a winning personality. I was almost twenty-six, and she had just turned nineteen when I summoned the courage to ask her for a date. Three months later we were engaged. But what did I know about this young woman that would cause me to commit a lifetime to her? More importantly, what did she know of me to make such a similar commitment? [Johnson, pp. 99-100.] At our wedding a few months after our engagement, we confirmed our unconditional commitment to love each other until death do us part.

Love infused with commitment will survive the inevitable trials of life, faded youth, and cooled passions. And such love will yield bountiful rewards.

Larry G. Johnson

Sources:

Ravi Zacharias, “Volume 4 – Establishing a Worldview,” Foundations of Apologetics, DVD Video, (Norcross, Georgia: Ravi Zacharias International Ministries, 2007).

Larry G. Johnson, Ye shall be as gods –Humanism and Christianity – The Battle for Supremacy in the American Cultural Vision, (Owasso, Oklahoma: Anvil House Publishers, 2011), pp. 99-100, 158, 312-313.

William J. Bennett, The Broken Hearth, (New York: Doubleday, 2001), pp. 184-188.

Part V examines the consequences of the decline of traditional marriage in American society as a result of the ascending humanist worldview.

Much of the material for this series has been excerpted from Ye shall be as gods which succinctly frames the opposing Christian and humanist worldviews with regard to human relationships in general and marriage specifically. [Johnson, Chapter 20, American Family – Marriage and Family.]

The family and societal carnage that occurred in America during the twentieth century and thereafter as a result of the domination of the humanist worldview is monumental and recounted in numerous studies and reports. The statistics reflecting the precipitous decline of marriage and the American family are incontrovertible and coincide almost exactly with the emergence of the Boomer generation in the mid-1960s and the rapid and accelerating ascendancy of the humanist worldview. Perhaps the signal statistic highlighting the collapse of marriage and the traditional family is the high level of births to unmarried mothers as reported in 2006: 68 percent of all black children, 45 percent of all Hispanic children, and 25 percent of all white children. [Rector, “The Collapse of Marriage and the Rise of Welfare Dependence.”]

The collapse of the traditional family is even more evident when one examines the population of women with and without spouse present. Of particular note is the dramatic twelve-fold percentage increase between 1960 and 1990 of women with children under the age of eighteen who have never married. This accounts for almost a third of all women with children under age 18 with no spouse present. For eighty years between 1880 and 1960, this figure declined from slightly over 12 percent to 2.6 percent in 1960 before the dramatic escalation to 31.6% in 1990. By the end of the first decade of the twenty-first century, four out of every ten births in America were to unwed mothers. [Rector, “Marriage: America’s Greatest Weapon Against Child Poverty.”]

What is also remarkable and further highlights the impact of the humanistic view of marriage is the decline in the percentage of women with children under eighteen who have a spouse present. For eighty years between 1880 and 1960, this figure was very stable at or near 90 percent before dropping to 76 percent in 1990.

In their flight from marriage, humanists promised women emancipation and fulfillment; however, the big lie produced only bondage, drudgery, and exhaustion—poverty, long hours of daily separation from their children, and the drudgery of low-paying jobs in the workforce. The seeds planted by the those promoting the humanist worldview over the decades prior to the 1960s and thereafter have born bitter fruit—illegitimacy, cohabitation, fatherlessness, divorce, and a large number of single parent families with children who are locked in a continuing cycle of neglect and poverty. When compared to homes where children were raised by married parents, children raised in homes by single parents are more likely to encounter emotional and behavioral problems, drink, smoke, use drugs, be physically abused, exhibit poor school performance and drop out, and exhibit aggressive, violent, and criminal behavior. [Rector, “The Collapse of Marriage and the Rise of Welfare Dependence.”] And in such an environment the memory of what once was or might have been is lost, and the transmission of the central vision of American culture to another generation is in peril.

Daniel Patrick Moynihan retired from the United States Senate (Democratic Senator from New York) in 2000. Near the beginning of his career he was an assistant Secretary of Labor in Lyndon Johnson’s presidency. At the time of his retirement, the senator was asked to describe the biggest change he had seen in his forty years of government service. Articulate and intellectual, the distinguished public servant, having served both Democratic and Republican presidents, replied, “The biggest change, in my judgment, is that the family structure has come apart all over the North Atlantic world” and had occurred in “an historical instant. Something that was not imaginable forty years ago had happened.” Author of the 1965 Moynihan Report officially known as “The Negro Family: The Case for National Action”, Moynihan knew that of which he spoke. [Bennett, pp. 2, 85.] Enormously controversial at the time of its release, the report continues to be a topic of debate in the twenty-first century. The report characterized the instability of the black families in America and the importance of the family unit in providing that stability.

At the heart of the deterioration of the fabric of Negro society is the deterioration of the Negro Family. It is the fundamental source of the weakness of the Negro community at the present time…The role of the family in shaping character and ability is so pervasive as to be easily overlooked. The family is the basic social unit of American life; it is the basic socializing unit. By and large, adult conduct in society is learned as a child…the child learns a way of looking at life in his early years through which all later experience is viewed and which profoundly shapes his adult conduct. [Rainwater and Yancy, p. 3.]

Writing shortly after Moynihan’s perceptive summation of the condition of the family structure, William Bennett noted the deep concern of Americans with regard to the family. Bennett pointed to the general instability of the American family and the contributing factors such as the decline in the status and centrality of marriage in society, substantially greater percentage of out-of-wedlock births, and the significant increase in co-habitation. With the decline of social perception and necessity of matrimony, children are less valued, more neglected, more vulnerable to non-family influences, and have less resources devoted for their care and benefit. Bennett wrote that, “Public attitudes toward marriage, sexual ethics, and child-rearing have radically altered for the worse. In sum, the family has suffered a blow that has no historical precedent—and one that has enormous ramifications for American society.” [Bennett, pp. 1-2.]

Another decade has elapsed since Moynihan’s diagnosis of the disintegration of the family unit as the major modern affliction of the Western world and Bennett’s reporting of Americans’ purported concern for the survival of the family. It is no longer the problem of the black population. The deterioration of the family unit is pervasive and crosses all ethnic, socio-economic, and religious lines although the poor and disadvantaged bear a greater portion of the misery. Yet, there has been no public outcry to reverse the decline, no urgency or sense of crisis in dealing with the problem, no new series of government studies explaining the situation, and no investigative reporting or meaningful media attention regarding the most profound change in society that has had no historical precedent. Why is this so? The answer is that the solutions to reverse the decline and devastation of marriage and the family unit stand as polar opposites of the prevailing and pervasive humanistic worldview.

Larry G. Johnson

Sources:

Larry G. Johnson, Ye shall be as gods – Humanism and Christianity – The Battle for Supremacy in the American Cultural Vision, (Owasso, Oklahoma: Anvil House Publishers, 2011), pp. 316-3-17, 319-321.

Robert Rector, “The Collapse of Marriage and the Rise of Welfare Dependence,” Panel Discussion, Lecture #959, The Heritage Foundation (May 22, 2006). www.heritage.org/research/welfare/hl959.cfm (accessed September 17, 2010).

Robert Rector, “Marriage: America’s Greatest Weapon Against Child Poverty,” The Heritage Foundation, September 16, 2010, http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2010/09/marriage-america-s-greatest-weapon-against-child-poverty (accessed September 21, 2010).

William J. Bennett, The Broken Hearth, (New York: Doubleday, 2001), pp. 1-2. 85.

Lee Rainwater and William L. Yancey, The Moynihan Report and the Politics of Controversy, (Cambridge Massachusetts: M.I.T. Press, 1967), p. 3.

Traditional marriage is in serious jeopardy in twenty-first century America. In Part IV we will examine the assault on the divine concept of marriage and the resulting pathologies of the humanist worldview of marriage and relationships.

Much of the material for this series has been excerpted from Ye shall be as gods which succinctly frames the opposing Christian and humanist worldviews with regard to human relationships in general and marriage specifically. [Johnson, Chapter 20, American Family – Marriage and Family.]

As a result of the ascending humanistic worldview, the concept of marriage as known and practiced in Western civilization since its inception has been done great damage. In the liberal view, the importance of marriage has been diminished in at least two ways. First, the humanistic worldview is based on exaltation of the individual person. The individual should be encouraged to realize his or her own creative talents and desires and exercise maximum individual autonomy. In such a worldview, marriage is far less important, a mere choice that may or may not be evidenced by a contractual relationship. And humanistic man’s laws are crafted to reflect the reduced status of marriage, e.g., no-fault divorce.

The ideal of romantic love inextricably linked with individual happiness devoid of the covenantal commitment is of recent origin and rests on the tenets of the humanist philosophy and worldview. When one examines the humanist view of marriage, it may surprise many that humanist writings have little to say with regard to marriage for the emphasis is not on a matrimonial bonding of a man and woman but the liberation of the individual. Two of the common principles of Humanist Manifesto II clearly elevate the individual as opposed to the two who shall become one flesh. These principles are:

Fifth: The preciousness and dignity of the individual person is a central humanist value. Individuals should be encouraged to realize their own creative talents and desires. We reject all religious, ideological, or moral codes that denigrate the individual, suppress freedom, dull intellect, dehumanize personality. We believe in maximum individual autonomy consonant with social responsibility… (emphasis in original)

Sixth: In the area of sexuality, we believe that intolerant attitudes, often cultivated by orthodox religions and puritanical cultures, unduly repress sexual conduct. The right to birth control, abortion, and divorce should be recognized. While we do not approve of exploitive, denigrating forms of sexual expression, neither do we wish to prohibit, by law or social sanction, sexual behavior between consenting adults. The many varieties of sexual exploration should not in themselves be considered “evil.”…individuals should be permitted to express their sexual proclivities and pursue their life styles as they desire… [Kurtz, p. 18.]

The second way humanism deconstructs Western civilization’s concept of marriage is to redefine and marginalize traditional marriage. Marriage is no longer a union between a man and woman but now includes marriage between homosexuals in some states. Further deconstruction is on the horizon. Both houses of the 2012 California state legislature passed a bill that would allow a child to have three legal parents. The governor vetoed the bill so more time would be allowed “…to consider all implications of the change.” Other advocates are calling for the legal recognition of multiple partner relationships (polygamy). [Anderson, p. 16.]

To the average twenty-first century American, covenant marriage (See Part III) may appear impractical if not impossible amidst the swirl of a humanistic popular culture that idealizes romantic love inextricably linked with individual happiness. Most moderns hope to sail the seas of marital bliss in the flimsy craft built of fleeting emotion and temporal happiness. Marriages based on this false ideal will soon crash on the rocky shores of reality. Rather, covenant relationships are centered on steadfast or spiritual love which is far stronger and deeper than fleeting, emotion-driven romantic love. When the storms of life rage, the deep keel of a covenant marriage will keep the marital ship afloat. Certainly steadfast love contains emotional and romantic elements, but steadfast love is a choice, a way of thinking, a mindset and is best expressed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, “Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

This last phrase brings us to our next point. The covenant marriage is intended to be a permanent relationship. We can enter into a contract with anyone. The contract may involve sex, security, status, or a hundred other clauses and may or may not include love. However, we enter into covenant relationships only with those we love. [Chapman, pp. 17-21.] Therefore, to achieve the fullness of its promise, love must be an ingredient in the covenant marriage. In Paul’s description of love in his letter to the Corinthians the careful reader will note an absence of the words important to proponents of the humanistic worldview—autonomy, independence, growth, and creativity. Faithful adherence to the words of 1 Corinthians 13 bring forth the fruit of a covenant marriage relationship. Such fruit is harvested only after the hard work of planting, weeding, and watering which is all wrapped up in one word—nurturing. Covenant marriages will involve its share of difficulties, trouble, and pain, but the harvest is worth the effort.

For humanists and their feminist fellow travelers, extolling the virtues and provisions of a covenant marriage relationship may elicit howls of contempt. As has been noted, the focus of the humanists is on the “I” and not the “we”, a message constantly conveyed and reinforced by media, government policies, the educational establishment, and popular culture. And this prevailing humanist worldview is carried into the great majority of male-female relationships regardless of type—marriage, cohabitation, or sexual promiscuity. We need not belabor these conclusions with additional explanation of the differences that are readily evident between the Judeo-Christian and humanist worldviews regarding marriage and family.

In Part V, we will examine the consequences to society of the humanistic worldview of marriage.

Larry G. Johnson

Sources:

Larry G. Johnson, Ye shall be as gods – Humanism and Christianity – The Battle for Supremacy in the American Cultural Vision, (Owasso, Oklahoma: Anvil House Publishers, 2011), pp. 314-316.

Paul Kurtz, Humanist Manifestos I and II, (Amherst, Massachusetts: Prometheus Books, 1973), p. 18.

Ryan T. Anderson, “Twelve Theses on Redefining Marriage – What comes Next,” The City, Summer 2013, 16.

Gary Chapman, Covenant Marriage, (Nashville, Tennessee: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2003), pp. 17- 21.

In Part III we turn our attention to the nature of marriage under the Christian and humanistic worldviews.

Much of the material for this series has been excerpted from Ye shall be as gods which succinctly frames the opposing Christian and humanist worldviews with regard to human relationships in general and marriage specifically. [Johnson, Chapter 20, American Family – Marriage and Family.]

Throughout history the marriage ceremony has been a ritualistic and solemn occasion between a man and woman—a highly public profession of commitment to the most private of relationships. The solemnity of the occasion arises from the enormous magnitude and significance of the commitments—to take the marriage partner as wife or husband, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do them part. This ceremonial language resonates with powerful sentiments that link us with prior generations since time immemorial and to an enduring and exclusive commitment to union while facing the uncertainties of life to come. The ritualism symbolically binds the families of the man and woman and attests to the importance of the unbreakable commitments of which God is both witness and participant.

The reasons for such commitments arise from human nature which is rooted in creation—the need to give love and receive love, a deep longing for sexual intimacy and emotional attachment, and a desire for a home and children. The humanist will argue that these things can be attained without requirements of marriage, monogamy, commitment to the permanency of relationship, and God. But such humanistic counterfeits are a weak, unsatisfying, and an imperfect imitation of the biblical view of marriage, “… the honorable estate, instituted by God.” [Bennett, p. 188.]

Marriage orders the soul whereas sexual intimacy outside of marriage, co-habitation, divorce (apart from infidelity and willful desertion), and homosexuality (with or without benefit of a civil union) are illegitimate and therefore not heirs to that honorable estate. History and human nature attest to these assertions for according to researchers, heterosexual married life as opposed to all other similar social arrangements provides greater financial security, better health and sex, and a longer and better life. [Bennett, pp. 184-188.] Bennett called marital love that rests upon a foundation of unconditional commitment as “…safer, more enduring, and more empowering that any sentiment yet discovered or any human arrangement yet invented.” He credits these attributes to the basic complementarity of man and woman joined together as one in marital love. The complementariness of the relationship is based on the differences, not just the physical but also the emotional and psychological. As the physical differences make sexual union possible, so too do the emotional and psychological differences of the marriage partners complement and complete each other. [Bennett, pp. 186-187.] The union becomes stronger than its parts.

Do non-marital heterosexual relationships have the potential to be as strong? No, for such commitments are in conflict with human nature and cultural universals which God formed at man’s creation. Such conflicts result in disorder of the soul. However, couples that do not hold the Judeo-Christian worldview but whose marital relationships are based on the cultural universal of monogamy and commitment to the permanency of the marriage relationship between a man and woman will achieve an order of the soul and a better life insofar as it relates to their marital relationship.

Let us examine the mindset of modern marriage partners which typically falls within one of two camps. First, the vast majority view marriage as a contract which is reflective of the humanistic (horizontal or egalitarian) worldview regarding marriage. The contract mindset focuses on marriage as a mutually beneficial relationship and getting as opposed to giving. When the benefits stop flowing or hard times arise, the relationship is easily broken through divorce. The contract mentality in marriage emphasizes the details, e.g., “If you do that for me, I’ll do this for you.” In other words, the marital ledgers must always be balanced, but marriage partners often have differing views of the value of what is given and received. These differing perceptions in a marriage often result in growing resentment, hurt, anger, and ultimately divorce. [Chapman, pp. 6-10.]

The second view is that marriage is a covenant relationship. Like a contract, a covenant is an agreement between two or more parties, but that is where the similarity ends. The nature of a covenant agreement is very different from that of a contractual agreement, and the key difference is motive. The covenant relationship is the essence of the cultural universal of marriage and is uniquely expressed in Christianity. God is a covenant maker and the importance of covenant relationships is illustrated by His covenants with Moses, Abraham, David, and others throughout the Bible. Jesus Christ fulfilled the old covenant and initiated the new covenant. Rather than to receive something in return, covenants are initiated for the benefit of others, that is, to minister to another person as opposed to manipulating someone to get something. In a covenant marriage, the motive is a commitment to the well-being of the spouse.

However, it would be naïve to believe that most young couples would possess that motive and level of maturity at the time of the marriage ceremony. Rather, covenant marriages are grown and strengthened through the years. If couples commit to covenant marriages and recognize the covenant relationship requires nurturing during the difficult times, those marriages will far more likely endure than contract marriages based on a cash register/accounts receivable ledger mentality. In a covenant relationship, the promises made are not conditional but open-ended, that is, the promise or commitment is not conditioned on reciprocal behavior. There are no “If…then” clauses in covenant marriage vows. [Chapman, pp. 11-16.]

In Part IV we will examine the assault on the divine concept of marriage and the pathologies of marriage and relationships under the dominant humanistic worldview. In Part V, we will examine the consequences of the humanistic worldview of marriage on society.

Larry G. Johnson

Sources:

Larry G. Johnson, Ye shall be as gods – Humanism and Christianity – The Battle for Supremacy in the American Cultural Vision, (Owasso, Oklahoma: Anvil House Publishers, 2011), pp. 312-314.

William J. Bennett, The Broken Hearth, (New York: Doubleday, 2001), pp.184-188.

Gary Chapman, Covenant Marriage, (Nashville, Tennessee: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2003), pp. 6-16.